Others check the box for “very happy” or “going very well.” On paper, marriage looks alive and well in America. ^{_{Gallup, Pew}}

This is not a sermon, a finished testimony, or an attempt to lead. This is a mid-story wrestle — a timestamped piece of my personal journaling made public in the hope that honesty might help someone else. I am not a pastor, seminary graduate, counselor, or trained theologian. I’m just a man following Jesus and trying to live this stuff out. These words reflect my honest convictions at this time, shaped by Scripture, prayer, and the wisdom of mentors and elders who walk alongside me. I’m still learning, still growing, and still letting God refine me — right in the middle of my story.

But what does “satisfied” really mean? What does it mean to say a marriage is “happy” or “thriving”?

Some studies suggest Americans increasingly equate a “successful life” (and by extension a successful marriage) with financial independence, career fulfillment, or economic stability. For example, in a Pew survey, nearly half of parents said it’s “not too important” for their children to get married or have kids, placing a higher priority on financial independence and job satisfaction instead. ^_TIME

Others prioritize “success” as avoidance of divorce, raising children, or owning property.

But what does “success” mean for Christians?

Have you asked yourself that question? What is your answer? What does it mean to be successful in marriage as a follower of Christ?

Rarely do surveys ask about covenant faithfulness, sacrificial love, sexual integrity, or spiritual oneness. So when the numbers say “satisfied,” they may be measuring contentment — but not necessarily flourishing.

The fractures are revealed after the dust of divorce has settled. When researchers ask divorced couples why their marriages ended, the answers shift.

And in that dust, the cracks come into view. The numbers reveal what’s often buried: lies, secrecy, selfishness, and a slow drift away from covenant faithfulness.

It’s said that “those who pray together stay together.” Some even claim — though I can’t substantiate it — that couples who pray together daily have divorce rates as low as 1%. I always wanted to be in the top 1% of something — just not this category. And yet here I am, separated, mourning the reality that prayer was not the pattern of our marriage. I am grieving this loss.

I wish I could say I was the exception. But I wasn’t. I was part of the distortion. I lied. I dragged my wife into my brokenness. I let pornography, secrecy, and pride distort my sight. I confused stability for sacrificial love. I let the world shape my desires more than the Word of God. I failed to lead, and in failing, I deeply wounded her. I helped destroy the very covenant that was meant to be guarded, cherished, and revered as holy.

Yesterday, in a moment I will not forget, a mentor looked at me — gentle, honest — and said something that landed like a stone:

Not a call to literal death, but to dying to self — to pride, secrecy, and the comforts that have replaced covenant. I felt the weight of those words in my chest. They landed as grief, as truth, and as a summons. I wept.

Sean’s words echoed Jesus’ call:

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23).

And yet — I’m still in process. I am not writing this as a man with answers or a tidy redemption arc. I’m writing as a man in the middle of his story. A man learning to tell the truth in real time. A man trying to practice new declarations, not because I’ve arrived, but because I’m learning to become them by grace.

These declarations may not fully describe me today, but they are the hope of who I am becoming — and by grace, who I am already seen under the blood of Christ.

Here’s the painful but honest inference I keep coming back to: we can confidently theorize that the number of marriages truly flourishing in covenant faithfulness, sacrificial love, sexual integrity, and spiritual oneness is far closer to 10% than to 80%. The shiny happiness stats are not wrong — they just don’t measure holiness, transparency, or spiritual unity. They measure a kind of contentment that can coexist with secret, or perhaps permitted sin.

However, marriage was never meant to run on secret self-indulgence, convenience, or survival. It was designed to flourish on the foundation of covenant faithfulness, sacrificial love, sexual integrity, and spiritual oneness. That vision still stands, even as I stumble forward, Mid Story, knowing grace will have the final word.

Romans 6:12–14 says it plainly: “Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body… For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.” I cling to that. Grace exposes, convicts, and transforms — and it also heals in ways only God can.

I don’t know how this story ends. I do know I’m trying to stop hiding. I’m trying to let truth do the work I couldn’t do in secrecy. I’m trying to die to small comforts so someone else can live. And I’m trying, with all my weakness and sorrow, to practice the one thing that matters: faithfulness — first to God, and then to the covenant He called marriage to be.

We are also reminded of this anchor: “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). No matter how far we’ve fallen, Christ’s mercy is deeper still.

And so I write this as a call — not only to myself but to you. Repent. Turn from sin. Trust in Jesus. Bring your sin into the light of Christ, because sin grows best in the dark. His grace is enough for the broken, the weary, and the Mid Story wanderer.

“According to a study by Perry in 2017, 56% of all divorces involve one individual’s compulsive interest in porn. Furthermore, in 2012, “pornography use [was] seen as the 2nd strongest predictor of marital satisfaction” (Fagen, 2009). Over 90% of all sexually explicit media portray sex as being only for self-pleasure (Leonhardt, et. al., 2019). This has been shown to significantly decrease sexual intimacy, connection, and sexual quality of long-term relationships... Contrary to the view that pornography is “empowering” and increases sexual pleasure, research continues to show that porn negatively impacts relational satisfaction, closeness, and experienced affection (Black & Hendy, 2019).” ^_Liberty

Discussions with two dear friends and mentors. Inspiring men whom many others look to for spiritual guidance, growth, and wisdom.

Sean M. & James B.

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